Boost your marriage libido after age 60

Boost your marriage libido after age 60

There’s a great deal that can be done to boost your marriage libido after age 60.

One out of five marriages is virtually sexless—these couples have sex 10 or fewer times a year. In about one in three marriages, one spouse has a considerably larger sexual appetite than the other. If you see yourself in these statistics, don’t despair—let’s talk…

WHO’S SEX-STARVED?

A sex-starved marriage occurs when one spouse is desperately longing for more physical affection. Sex-starved marriages can’t be defined by the number of times per week or month that a couple has sex, because there are no daily or weekly minimum requirements to ensure daily or weekly minimum requirements to ensure a healthy sex life. What works for one couple is grounds for divorce for another.

Most people believe that it is principally women who struggle with low sexual desire. While it’s true that more men than women complain about the frequency of sex, the difference between genders isn’t great. In fact, low desire in men is one of America’s best kept secrets. Too many men are simply unwilling to discuss their low desire with doctors, therapists or even their wives.

In a sex-starved marriage, the less interested spouse, whether male or female, typically thinks, why are you making such a big deal out of this? It’s only sex. But to the spouse wanting more physical closeness, sex is extremely important because it’s not just a physical act. It’s about feeling wanted, attractive, appreciated and emotionally connected.

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, social worker and relationship expert who is founder and director of the Divorce Busting Center in Boulder, Colorado. She is author of seven books, including, The sex-starved wife: What To Do When He's Lost Desire.
Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, social worker and relationship expert who is founder and director of the Divorce Busting Center in Boulder, Colorado. She is author of seven books, including, The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He’s Lost Desire.

When the low-desire spouse doesn’t understand sex’s significance and continues to reject sexual advances, intimacy on many different levels tend to fall off. The couple stops cuddling on the couch, on the floor and laughing at each other’s jokes, going on dates together. In short, they stop being friends. This places their marriage in jeopardy.

CATCH-22

Frequently, the lower-desire spouse needs to feel close and connected on an emotional level before he/she is interested in being sexual. This usually entails spending quality time together and talking about intimate issues.

The catch-22 is that typically the higher-desire spouse needs to feel connected physically in order to open up with conversation or feel that spending time together is a priority.

One spouse waits for time together and heart-to-heart talks before investing in the physical relationship, while the other spouse waits to be touched before initiating time together or intimate conversation. Each waits for the other to change.

THE NOs HAVE VETO POWER

Put an end to the disappointment, frustration and embarrassment of...
Put an end to the disappointment, frustration and embarrassment of…
Erectile Dysfunction

The spouse with the lower sexual drive usually controls the frequency of sex—if he or she doesn’t want it, it generally doesn’t happen. This is not due to maliciousness or a desire for power—it just seems unimaginable to be sexual if one partner is not in the mood.

Furthermore, there is an unspoken and often unconscious expectation that the higher-desire spouse must accept the no-sex verdict, not complain about it—and, of course, remain monogamous. After decades of working with couples, I can attest that this is an unfair and unworkable arrangement. This is not to say that infidelity is a solution, but as with all relationship conflicts, being willing to find middle ground is the best way to ensure love’s longevity.

If you’re in a sex-starved marriage, you and your spouse need to make some changes. Don’t worry about who takes the lead. Relationships are such that if one person changes, the relationship changes. MORE TOMORROW

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